They Might Be Giants - Shoehorn With Teeth

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He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
People should get beat up for stating their beliefs
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
Because he knows there's no such thing

He asks a girl if they can both sit in a chair but he doesn't get nervous
She's not really there

He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
Because he knows there's no such thing

Tour the world in a heavy metal band
But they run out of gas
The plane can never land

He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
People should get beat up for stating their beliefs
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
Because he knows there's no such thing

What's the sense in ever thinking about the tomb
When you're much too busy resorting to the womb?

He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
People should get beat up for skating like the leafs
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth
Because he knows there's no such thing